Finesse versus force

by Jenna Pastuszek

 When you ask others for things, do you use finesse or force?

This is a question that my brilliant friend and elementary school counselor, Sophie Dougadir, is unpacking with her creative and performing arts public elementary school’s yoga club members. She’s teaching her students to think about the ways in which they’re speaking to each other, to their siblings, to their parents, and reminding them that while it might take a little bit of work to see the situation from another person’s perspective, it will most likely help them move through it more successfully.

Sophie is teaching her students to think about the daily choices they can make regarding finesse and force through yoga. One can move through the poses forcefully, or one can move through the poses with finesse. The same is true of life.

Which one sounds more fun to flow through?

As creatives tasked with the activity of pitching ourselves and our projects, we can remember the relationship between finesse and force.

Yes, I could demand that theaters reopen with proper safety precautions immediately so that I can get back to work.

Yes, I could threaten to punch someone through my computer screen as I ask them for an audition.

Yes, I could steal someone’s lunch money and refuse to return it until they composed me a song.

….And then I’d be left with no job, no audition, no song, and no friends.

If I use one of my resources, my actor training, and act truthfully in another person’s given circumstances, I may be able to connect with others more effectively than I would by using force. I can finesse my asks by cultivating empathy. Instead of quickly rattling off a text or an email, I can slow down, take a breath, and creatively craft my response with some flair and some tact. I can ask myself what this person might like to receive in their far-from-zero inbox. I can generously get to the point quickly, clearly, and kindly. I can provide any necessary information that the recipient might need in order to contextually understand my ask. I can choose positive language that confidently explains what I have to offer. I can proudly display my personality by choosing words that represent me.

Many of us are in artistic limbo and periods of transition right now. We are confronted with the opportunity and obligation to ask others for help.

How can we make it easier for others to help us?

Choose finesse over force.